This is our story!
I wrote this story on September 11, 2004.
This is dedicated to my husband Shakil, who is the bravest person I know.I met Shakil in April of 2003. I had just filed for divorce in January of 2003 to someone that I was married to for 2 years. So it's safe to say that I was a bit skeptical about starting another relationship so soon. I had a friend that had told me about Shakil but I just managed to listen to her about him but never really thought about meeting him. But one day I told her that I wanted to meet him.
I met Shakil the first week in April of 2003. It was a stormy night and I told my friend to give him a call. Her now ex happened to be with him at the time. So she made the call. She asked Shakil if he wanted to meet and apparently he said he did. Next thing you know I'm on the phone with him. He wanted me to come over. I felt as if I really had nothing to say to him at the time. But he sounded great on the phone. Shakil is originally from Pakistan so I was expecting some accent but was pleasantly surprised when hearing there was not really one at all.
The storm had pretty much cleared and she and I decided to head over to meet him. I can still remember to this day walking up the stairs to his apartment. I was so incredibly nervous. She reached the top of the stairs before I did and knocked on the door. I sort of stood to the side and peaked around as he opened up the door. I guess you can say that I was wanting to "check him out". I definitely felt a sense of attraction for him. He looked great. We went inside and the four of us chatted. I didn't do much talking at all considering I was so nervous. I just listened to his responses on things and just smiled. After some time my friend and her ex left Shakil and I in the room together alone. I think there was quite a bit of silence before one of us decided to speak. I think I remember Shakil sparking up the conversation. He just asked me random questions and I answered them the best that I could. After some time I got my friend to rejoin us. After some time my friend and I decided to leave. If I'm not mistaken Shakil gave me his yahoo id.
So the next day I'm almost certain I messaged him or he did me, not sure which. We started having some online conversations and I think that helped our uncertainty of each other. We talked about everything. Some time went by and my friend thought that the 4 of us should go out for dinner. Shakil arrived with some flowers for me!! 2 points on that one! They were beautiful. We all went to a Pakistani restaurant here in the Dallas area which was very good. When we finished dinner, once again I was left alone with him. My friend and her ex went out to the car and left us alone!! Once again there was some silence but I feel that it wasn't as much as the meeting before. Shakil ask me a variety of questions and I answered them all. When the restaurant was about to close we decided to leave. We all headed over to my apartment and what do you know...we were left alone again. This time I was ready for it. I wanted that alone time in the comfort of my own space, my apartment. Shakil and I started talking and he proceeded to bring his immigration matters to my attention. He stated that he was having some immigration problems and he was working trying to stay here. I can remember thinking, "so what, this isn't going to go anywhere with us anyway". I appreciated his honesty though. Not many people would have brought something that serious to my attention. I just listened as he explained everything to me and nodded my head. My friend and her ex came back and the evening had come to an end. They all left together to go back to Dallas.
At the time I was living in the Arlington area. I can remember walking out with him and he turned to hug me. It just felt wonderful! Days went by and Shakil and I chatted again online and began talking on the phone before I went to bed in the evenings. The next event was Shakil had asked me out to see a movie with him. He and I went to see the movie "Chicago". Now the movie was alright but a bit different to what I'm normally used to seeing. I can remember sitting there next to him and wondering when he was going to at least hold my hand or something. I kept thinking maybe he just "wasn't feeling it" or something. But towards the end of the movie he reached for my hand. It just gives me butterflies in my stomach when I think about it now. But at the time I kept thinking, "it's about time!" He had waited until the movie was almost completely over. The movie finished and we headed out to our cars. He and I had met there so we were in 2 cars. He asked me if I wanted to come with him and go over to his place for awhile and I agreed. We got in his car and he had reached to the backseat of his car and gave me a beautiful plant that had miniature roses. He also had a wonderful smelling candle for my birthday. I still have that candle to this day, (September 11, 2004) I love candles!!
We proceeded to go over to his place. Once we got there I did feel a bit awkward being this was our first time COMPLETELY alone together. I can remember just sitting there and not knowing what to say to him. Then after some time, "the magic" happened. I knew that I was going to fall for him. Time kept flying by and Shakil started coming over to my apartment on the weekends and staying the whole weekend with me. I work Monday through Friday and I always looked forward to Saturdays when he would come see me after he got off work. I spent Friday night out with my friend. I'd always take a sidetrip by his apartment to see him before I went to see her.
I felt as if I was having to balance a relationship with my friend and him at the same time. Saturday would come and he'd stay with me until Sunday night. But the more he and I became fond of each other the more time he spent with me. I can remember telling him that I wanted to see him more and he started coming on Thursday nights and staying until Sunday night. Which I must say that I loved! The more and more time he and I spent together I started to fall in love with him and I knew he felt the same and that was an incredible feeling. He and I just had so many things in common and I knew we were a perfect match for each other. We'd talk about what we wanted in the future and we wanted the same things. I knew I wanted to marry him but never really told him directly. I'm sure he could sense that is what I wanted. I had been fighting my feelings for him since the beginning and I just didn't want to get hurt again by some guy! But Shakil wasn't just any guy, he had captured my heart from the beginning and I decided to let my guard down and just let it flow.
Into our relationship Shakil started to fight his immigration process. I'm sure he was already trying to fight it or was just preparing himself to leave a country that he had made a life for himself in. And he had every right to just prepare to leave because he didn't have anyone keeping him here before our relationship. But I'm sure after being here in the US for over 10 years he would love to make this country his home. He had appealed his decision by the INS but unfortunately he was ordered to leave the country.
He was granted voluntary departure and was due to leave by August 20, 2004. So Shakil and I just decided to make the most of our relationship and spend as much time with each other that we could. At the time I knew that I was just going to be so sad to see him leave. I just didn't understand why he had to be taken away from me. But government seemed to take control of the situation and was definitely controlling our situation. I had told Shakil that if he expected me to wait for him that I was expected some sort of committment. I was never expecting what was in store for me. Shakil would report to INS every month. They would then give him another report date the following month. Now Shakil had been given that voluntary departure and was due to leave at the end of August but was given a report date to INS at the end of September.
My divorce finally became final on September 10, 2003!! I was so happy that I now did not have my ex lingering in the background. I could now totally focus on Shakil. He and I spent the night of the 11th with each other and little did I know that would be the last time I would see him like that for some time. The 12th of September was a Friday and I have to go into work on Fridays a bit earlier. I remember that morning so clearly. The night before Shakil had told me that he was going to go ahead and report to INS on the 12th. He told me that he would just see me when I got home from work.
The morning of the 12th when I was ready for work he was still sleeping and I kissed him goodbye and told him that I loved him as I always did and headed on to work.About 10 a.m. on that Friday I received a voicemail from him on my cell phone. I stopped everything I was doing and listened to it. Normally Shakil wouldn't contact me at work and at that time and I found it quite odd. Upon listening to that message all I heard was some noise in the background and he didn't say anything. Not a word...nothing. I was very bothered by that voicemail and proceeded to send him an email or two for some explanation. But he never responded to my emails. I even called his cell phone a few times and noticed that he turned it off. It wasn't like Shakil to turn his phone off so I wouldn't have any contact with him.
I went on with my day and when 2:30 p.m. rolled around, that is what time I leave the office on Friday's, I rushed home as quickly as I could.I opened the door and noticed that he was not there nor had he even been back there since he left. This feeling of emptiness and fear came over me. But I just tried to shake it off and not thinking anything of it. I thought maybe he had something else to do and he would call me. I laid on the sofa and fell asleep for an hour or so. I woke up startled because he still wasn't back. The time then was about 4 p.m. or so. I then made a call to my friend and told her what was going on. She told me that she was having a really bad feeling. We talked about it for awhile and then I decided that I was going to drive to Dallas, go by his apartment, etc. and see if I could find out what was going on.I arrived at my friends apartment sometime after 5:30 p.m.
We went by his apartment and he wasn't there and I think we even went by a few other places. Then we decided to drive by the Dallas INS office. I will never forget driving into the back parking lot and discovering that Shakil's car was there. It was parked in the very back of the lot and he was no where to be found. The parking lot was almost completely empty. We drove over to his car and I got out and looked inside. His backpack that he always carried was inside along with other items of his. I burst into tears when I got back into the car. I knew what had happened and I wasn't ready to face that! INS had taken him and I didn't understand why. We drove over to the INS building and my friend noticed there was a security guard standing there. She got out of the car and ran over to him to ask about this situation. I stayed in the car because at that moment I was almost hysterical. She came back to the car and told me what happened. The security guard told her that a bus had come and took many of them. I started crying again profusely. She told me that the guard told her where they usually take them to. It was an area not far from where I was living at the time. I knew that I had to go there.
So we left the INS office and drove there. As we were leaving I knew that I had to call my Mom and tell her what had happened. But I was still crying so bad that I just couldn't make the call. Now here's the part that I need to tell. I had never told my Mom that Shakil was having immigration problems. I just didn't want her to judge him thinking that he might be using me for immigration purposes. I knew he wasn't but mothers think differently because they just care so much about their child's best interest. But I knew at this point she wasn't going to have to know. My friend made the call because I was still crying profusely and could barely talk. She called her and started telling her what was going on and what had happened.
After I got my composure, I talked to my Mom and explained everything. I can say that she was very upset that I had kept it from her and she didn't understand why I never told her about his immigration issues. But after I explained more I think she understood. My friend and I made it there to the place we were told that the bus was going to. There was not a person there at all but I did see on the front door the visitation hours which were not until Monday and this was Friday. We went back to my apartment and I started thinking what I needed to do for him. I knew that I needed to get his car out of that place or it would be towed. That is what the guard had told me earlier in the evening. I didn't have a key to his car and so I called a locksmith to meet me at his car. So once again at about 11 p.m. my friend and I headed out to the INS office. The locksmith arrived shortly after we got there and was able to get the car unlocked for me. The locksmith told me that I might want to hurry because the alarm on the car was going off and he didn't want to cause a scene. I grabbed as many things of value that I could and put them all in my car.
The locksmith left and then the guard came over to me and asked me what was going on. I must say that the guard was very friendly and tried to provide as much advice to me as he could. The guard also told me that I needed to hurry because there were cameras everywhere that were filming what I was doing. But I told him I didn't care and that someone had to do this for him. I don't know what really prompted me to open up Shakil's backpack but I did. Maybe it was just curiosity. But I'm so glad I did. I opened the bag and saw a small bag from a jewelry store. I looked in the bag and saw a small box. At this point, you know I had to open it!! I opened it and found the most beautiful engagement ring! I cried because I knew it was mine and I immediately put that ring on my finger. Perfect fit!! It was meant for me.
My friend smiled and told me that Shakil was planning on proposing before he left back to Pakistan. I knew I wanted some sort of committment but surely wasn't expecting that! But I was so happy to know that he wanted to marry me because I know how much I wanted to marry him. Now I'm don't really remember how we got Shakil's car to my friends apartment. I don't know how I aquired the key. But my friends ex helped us get it to their apartment. That night my friend went home with me because she knew how upset I was and didn't want me to have to be alone and I thank her for that because I really needed someone. She and I stayed up for awhile and talked about everything and at some point around 3 a.m. fell asleep.
I had kept my phone next to my side while I was sleeping just in case Shakil was able to call me and he did probably a couple of hours after I had falled asleep. I remember hearing the phone ringing and I jumped out of bed to answer it. I answered the phone and I heard the recording stating that it was a call from an inmate at a correctional facility and I had to accept call charges or not. Then I heard his voice and I was so relieved. The phone connection was not that good and I could barely here him but managed to here where he was. He was in a detention center that was in Haskell. I can remember looking up on the internet to find out where it was. Turns out that it was a very small town that was approximately a 3 hour drive from where I lived. I immediately called the facility to find out some things and they told me the visitation hours. I called my Mom and told her that we could visit him.
I gathered some things and my friend and I headed over to my Mom's to pick her up then go see Shakil. It seemed as if that drive took forever. I was so anxious to see him and to know that he was ok. When we reached the facility it was a prison in the middle of no where! We walked up to the gates and talked to someone on the speaker and told them who I was there to see. They could not find any record of him and I told them he had just arrived there and they allowed me in.
When you first walk into this place there is a waiting area and to your left sits a officer or guard that logs in a book everyone that comes into the facility. You had to provide your drivers license and let them write all the information down and also state your relationship to the inmate. So, I told them I was his fiance. It felt so great to be able to say that. It took them awhile to find him because they didn't even show him on their roster. So after much searching they finally found him. They then called someone in the back who I assume goes to let the inmate know that they have a visitor. So I'm sure that Shakil knew it was me. We then had to walk through a metal detector and were escorted to the visiting area. This area was just a big room that had 2 restrooms and tables that were made of metal for you to sit on. This place freezing inside! We sat there and waited for him to come out and he finally did. I will never forget seeing him walk out and the look of fear on face. He was wearing what looked like blue hospital scrubs. He came and sat down and me, my mom and my friend talked to him. After some time, my Mom and friend moved to another table because I wanted time alone with him to talk. There was a point where I saw tears come down his face. It hurt me so much to see him like that. It hurt just knowing the terrible things he had gone through.
I tried to make some sense out of why he was detained and he explained to me the best he knew how. He went to the INS office to report per usual and the report date was after the voluntary departure date so he thought he would be given an extension. But they decided to detain him for not following his departure order. So basically it was a big misunderstanding and now he was stuck in the hellhole.I was able to spend about 3 hours with him every week for 1 day, nothing more. Time kept going by and I felt so extremely alone. I felt as if the most important thing in my life had been taken away from me and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do. I drove out there to see him every weekend. In almost 4 months that he was in there, I never missed a time to go see him expect for once when I got so sick and couldn't. I would have but my Mom refused to let me go.
Shakil would call me every night to talk to me. He used calling cards which ran up a nice phone bill for me because even though he was using calling cards, I was still charged fees everytime. But none of that mattered to me, I just wanted to stay in contact with him. Every night Shakil would tell me how he's doing and I'd cry and cry and hide it. I know many times he didn't even know. I just wanted him to stay strong and not let how I was feeling bring him down. Each weekend that I went to see him he'd tell me about the conditions in that place and it was just horrible.
I feel so sorry for all these aliens that are put in these type of facilities and expected to dwell there until they are freed or deported. A couple of months into his detention I started to call an immigration officer who was handling things. Shakil and I had decided that I would go see him in Pakistan when he got out of there. But I think that he and I kept hope that maybe for some reason he would be released. We even went as far to try to get married while he was in there. We thought if we went ahead with the marriage that things might change I think.
I was able to obtain a marriage license in Haskell but after that immigration officer dragging his feet, we were not able to get married while he was in detention. I even sent a letter of intent to marry him to INS. Nothing helped. They still kept him in there.Towards the end of the time he spent there. I became so very angry that they were keeping him in there so long and Shakil had told me that people were getting deported. I just didn't understand why it was taking so long for him. I called that immigration officer several times just telling him to do something. Get him out there. I also told him that I already had tickets to leave shortly after Shakil left but none of that seemed to matter. My mom even went to the INS office to talk to this officer and told him that we wanted something done. It was horrible that he was being kept in there for so long. The officer was very nice to my Mom but why woudn't he be.
The first week in January of 2004, Shakil called me one night to tell me that he was getting out. I was at dinner one night when he called me to tell me. I couldn't even finish my dinner because I was happy that his nightmare would come to an end. I had been keeping his brother in the UK informed of everything that was going on. I called him that evening and told him the details.Shakil was taken to a jail in Euless, TX. and arrived on January 8, 2004. I knew that was his final stop before leaving to go to the airport. I was able to go see him when he got there. I would have gone the night before but unfortunately they were not clear on where he was. So I had to go the next day to see him. Walking into that jail there was a waiting area. I expected it to be like the other facility where there would be tables for me to talk to him. But this was all together different. They told me to open this door and there and there was an area where I had to talk to him. It's just like you see on t.v. I had to talk to him through a telephone with glass in between us. I can remember seeing his face there. He looked horrible. My heart hurt for him. But I do give Shakil lots of credit because he always stayed positive through all of this mess. He even made me laugh at times.
I'm not sure how much time I was given to talk to him but I told him how much I loved him and we would be together. Then, my Mom went into talk to him. Shortly after my Mom started talking to him they came for him and I saw him leave as my Mom opened the door and I waved goodbye. I had called the jail later in the afternoon to find out what they were doing with him. They told me that he was gone and that is basically all they told me. It wasn't until the evening that I received a call from Shakil. He was in New York. I was so happy that all of this was coming to an end. But in the back of my mind I knew it was just the beginning of a very long journey for he and I.
Shakil made it safely back to Pakistan on January 10, 2004. I had been so worried about him. I wanted to know that he got there safely. Luckily his brother called me to tell me that he had made it there and he was ok. I had been awake the whole night before knowing he was in the air on the way back to a country that he didn't want to go. Visiting is one thing, but living is another.Shakil messaged me online and I was so happy to see that 6 letter yahoo screenname. It had been so long. We chatted and chatted. We also talked about my trip to see him that was soon arriving. I had tickets to leave for Pakistan on February 11, 2004. So we definitely had plenty to talk about. We would talk online every day. I don't think he and I missed a day without talking to each other. I just constantly told him how much I loved him and that I was there for him. I wanted him to know that I will always be by his side no matter what. February 11, 2004 soon rolled around. The day I was due to leave with my Mom I had taken off from work to make sure I had everything packed. I was to be gone February 11th through the 28th. I was so nervous about going to a foreign country. Not to mention the fact that I had never left the country before. I think that was the longest flight I have ever been on. My Mom and I finally arrived in Karachi, Pakistan at about 11 p.m. or so on February 12th. My Mom and I got off the plane and headed to go through immigration. It really wasn't that bad. But I was questioned about what the address was that I was staying at. I didn't even have the address written down. This woman was saying she needed the address and I just put something down. I could only remember like 1 word of the street name Shakil had given me. She kept saying, "what if the person is not there, etc. etc." I was like, you have no idea...he'll be there. I know he's waiting. She let me through finally.
We went to get our luggage and I couldn't find the baggage claim receipts. I think the nervousness had really set in by that point. I was arguing with this guy telling him these were our bags because they were the last one's left. Another guy came over and told this guy that was giving me a hard time that it was ok.We proceeded to walk towards the doors to exit and I noticed there were so many people standing there. I thought, "oh my god, how are we going to find Shakil" But he found us. I just wanted to drop my things and run to him. I hadn't seen him on free grounds in so long. It felt like an eternity. He came over to us and directed us where to go. He had family there with him waiting. Much more family than I was expecting. But there were so many people and I was mentally exhausted. When I walked out of the airport I was thinking, "this won't be so bad" Little did I know until we got in the car. Oh my, the traffic is just horrible and it had to have been after midnight. There is no concept of following traffic rules. Everyone just seems to drive all over the place. No sense of direction in Pakistan. No concept of yielding to other cars. The first night my Mom and I were taken to Shakil's parents house in Karachi.
When we first arrived there were many that stayed to talk for a bit. I think phyically I was exhausted. I did sleep most of the flight which was great because it just made time go by much quicker. My Mom and I were staying together in a bedroom and I can remember laying down in bed and everything just seemed so surreal. I couldn't believe I was actually in Pakistan. Shakil and I were married on February 15, 2004 in Karachi. It was at a house of his uncles. It was just so beautful. I couldn't believe that we finally got married! I was so happy and I could see how happy Shakil was as well. I was able to see lots of things while in Pakistan. I saw lots of poverty and extreme amounts of wealth. I never saw any inbetween. We were able to spend about one week in Karachi and one week in Lahore.
I found that I preferred Lahore over Karachi. Lahore seems to be a much cleaner city. I can remember visiting the Shalimar Gardens as well driving by a beautiful Mosque. There are Mosques here in the US but nothing compared to the ones I saw in Pakistan. I also had the opportunity of meeting Shakil's grandparents while in Lahore as well as other family members. I spent a total of 2 weeks in Pakistan and that is just not enough time to get to know a family.
I thank his family for showing my Mom and I around both Karachi and Lahore. I left Pakistan on February 28th. Looking back on the day I left, I was packing and I remember standing up and walking over to Shakil and just going into tears. He hugged me and it was just so wonderful to have been able to experience Pakistan, meet some of his family and most of all spend time with him. But I was so sad that I was going to have to leave him. I didn't want to. If I had my way, I would have stayed with him. I had so much to get started with immigration here in the US as well as other obligations and concerns.
Shakil and his parents escorted us to the airport. Just sitting there with him in the car with his hand in mine I knew that that was going to be the last time I felt his touch for a long time. The last time I would see him smile, the last time I would be able to smell his scent and many other things. There were several times in the car where it was all I could do to keep my composure. I just wanted cry so hard. It was hurting me so bad inside to leave my husband there and knowing that he can't come back with me.All of our luggage was taken from the car. I said my goodbyes to his parents and his mom's sister whom was also in the car with us. Shakil walked us over to where we were supposed to go. We said our goodbye and I told him I loved him and he told me as well. I walked away and looked back until I could no longer see him. He was gone. I felt so empty inside. I cried on my way to the counter to check in. My Mom told me, "this isn't forever, you will see him again soon".
Sitting on the runway waiting for the plane to take off, I stared outside the window and remembered. I just remembered his touch, his way of making me feel that everything is going to be ok. I just wanted to get off that plane and run to him.I arrived back at the DFW airport after a very long journey back to the US. My Mom's friends were there to pick us up and I had so many stories to tell. I still look back and have stories to tell. Not many people get to experience going to a third world country. I feel very blessed that I was given the opportunity. Not just to see my husband, but to see an entirely different world.When I got back to the US there was an email from Shakil waiting for me. Just making sure that I was ok. I was able to talk to him online when I got home for awhile. I was very tired upon my return. Here it is September 11, 2004 and we have maybe missed 5 days out of the almost 7 months we have been apart. He meets me online like clockwork every evening. He communicates fully with me always letting me know what's going on. He even makes his way online in the mornings before I go to work when he can.We filed our K-3 petition and received our first notice of action on April 30, 2004. We're going on 5 months since we recieved that notice. Shakil anticipates that it will be another 2 months. I always hope for sooner. I always hope that one day when I open my mail that we hear something. According to our attorney we should have a decision on the I-212 very soon. I hope so because I need some peace of mind and I know my husband does more than anyone.Life is just not the same without my husband. He is the most precious thing in my life. He gives me hope and he is a part of my dreams.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of our wonderful times that we have had together. He means the world to me. I love him with all my heart and every bit of my being. He keeps me going, he's my strength by side. I always feel his presence. I feel as if he's with me not in body but in spirit. I carry him with everyday. He's in my heart and my soul. You should never take anything granted. Things or someone can be taken from you so quickly. Live each day as if it was your last and always tell your loved one....I love you.
This is dedicated to my husband Shakil, who is the bravest person I know.I met Shakil in April of 2003. I had just filed for divorce in January of 2003 to someone that I was married to for 2 years. So it's safe to say that I was a bit skeptical about starting another relationship so soon. I had a friend that had told me about Shakil but I just managed to listen to her about him but never really thought about meeting him. But one day I told her that I wanted to meet him.
I met Shakil the first week in April of 2003. It was a stormy night and I told my friend to give him a call. Her now ex happened to be with him at the time. So she made the call. She asked Shakil if he wanted to meet and apparently he said he did. Next thing you know I'm on the phone with him. He wanted me to come over. I felt as if I really had nothing to say to him at the time. But he sounded great on the phone. Shakil is originally from Pakistan so I was expecting some accent but was pleasantly surprised when hearing there was not really one at all.
The storm had pretty much cleared and she and I decided to head over to meet him. I can still remember to this day walking up the stairs to his apartment. I was so incredibly nervous. She reached the top of the stairs before I did and knocked on the door. I sort of stood to the side and peaked around as he opened up the door. I guess you can say that I was wanting to "check him out". I definitely felt a sense of attraction for him. He looked great. We went inside and the four of us chatted. I didn't do much talking at all considering I was so nervous. I just listened to his responses on things and just smiled. After some time my friend and her ex left Shakil and I in the room together alone. I think there was quite a bit of silence before one of us decided to speak. I think I remember Shakil sparking up the conversation. He just asked me random questions and I answered them the best that I could. After some time I got my friend to rejoin us. After some time my friend and I decided to leave. If I'm not mistaken Shakil gave me his yahoo id.
So the next day I'm almost certain I messaged him or he did me, not sure which. We started having some online conversations and I think that helped our uncertainty of each other. We talked about everything. Some time went by and my friend thought that the 4 of us should go out for dinner. Shakil arrived with some flowers for me!! 2 points on that one! They were beautiful. We all went to a Pakistani restaurant here in the Dallas area which was very good. When we finished dinner, once again I was left alone with him. My friend and her ex went out to the car and left us alone!! Once again there was some silence but I feel that it wasn't as much as the meeting before. Shakil ask me a variety of questions and I answered them all. When the restaurant was about to close we decided to leave. We all headed over to my apartment and what do you know...we were left alone again. This time I was ready for it. I wanted that alone time in the comfort of my own space, my apartment. Shakil and I started talking and he proceeded to bring his immigration matters to my attention. He stated that he was having some immigration problems and he was working trying to stay here. I can remember thinking, "so what, this isn't going to go anywhere with us anyway". I appreciated his honesty though. Not many people would have brought something that serious to my attention. I just listened as he explained everything to me and nodded my head. My friend and her ex came back and the evening had come to an end. They all left together to go back to Dallas.
At the time I was living in the Arlington area. I can remember walking out with him and he turned to hug me. It just felt wonderful! Days went by and Shakil and I chatted again online and began talking on the phone before I went to bed in the evenings. The next event was Shakil had asked me out to see a movie with him. He and I went to see the movie "Chicago". Now the movie was alright but a bit different to what I'm normally used to seeing. I can remember sitting there next to him and wondering when he was going to at least hold my hand or something. I kept thinking maybe he just "wasn't feeling it" or something. But towards the end of the movie he reached for my hand. It just gives me butterflies in my stomach when I think about it now. But at the time I kept thinking, "it's about time!" He had waited until the movie was almost completely over. The movie finished and we headed out to our cars. He and I had met there so we were in 2 cars. He asked me if I wanted to come with him and go over to his place for awhile and I agreed. We got in his car and he had reached to the backseat of his car and gave me a beautiful plant that had miniature roses. He also had a wonderful smelling candle for my birthday. I still have that candle to this day, (September 11, 2004) I love candles!!
We proceeded to go over to his place. Once we got there I did feel a bit awkward being this was our first time COMPLETELY alone together. I can remember just sitting there and not knowing what to say to him. Then after some time, "the magic" happened. I knew that I was going to fall for him. Time kept flying by and Shakil started coming over to my apartment on the weekends and staying the whole weekend with me. I work Monday through Friday and I always looked forward to Saturdays when he would come see me after he got off work. I spent Friday night out with my friend. I'd always take a sidetrip by his apartment to see him before I went to see her.
I felt as if I was having to balance a relationship with my friend and him at the same time. Saturday would come and he'd stay with me until Sunday night. But the more he and I became fond of each other the more time he spent with me. I can remember telling him that I wanted to see him more and he started coming on Thursday nights and staying until Sunday night. Which I must say that I loved! The more and more time he and I spent together I started to fall in love with him and I knew he felt the same and that was an incredible feeling. He and I just had so many things in common and I knew we were a perfect match for each other. We'd talk about what we wanted in the future and we wanted the same things. I knew I wanted to marry him but never really told him directly. I'm sure he could sense that is what I wanted. I had been fighting my feelings for him since the beginning and I just didn't want to get hurt again by some guy! But Shakil wasn't just any guy, he had captured my heart from the beginning and I decided to let my guard down and just let it flow.
Into our relationship Shakil started to fight his immigration process. I'm sure he was already trying to fight it or was just preparing himself to leave a country that he had made a life for himself in. And he had every right to just prepare to leave because he didn't have anyone keeping him here before our relationship. But I'm sure after being here in the US for over 10 years he would love to make this country his home. He had appealed his decision by the INS but unfortunately he was ordered to leave the country.
He was granted voluntary departure and was due to leave by August 20, 2004. So Shakil and I just decided to make the most of our relationship and spend as much time with each other that we could. At the time I knew that I was just going to be so sad to see him leave. I just didn't understand why he had to be taken away from me. But government seemed to take control of the situation and was definitely controlling our situation. I had told Shakil that if he expected me to wait for him that I was expected some sort of committment. I was never expecting what was in store for me. Shakil would report to INS every month. They would then give him another report date the following month. Now Shakil had been given that voluntary departure and was due to leave at the end of August but was given a report date to INS at the end of September.
My divorce finally became final on September 10, 2003!! I was so happy that I now did not have my ex lingering in the background. I could now totally focus on Shakil. He and I spent the night of the 11th with each other and little did I know that would be the last time I would see him like that for some time. The 12th of September was a Friday and I have to go into work on Fridays a bit earlier. I remember that morning so clearly. The night before Shakil had told me that he was going to go ahead and report to INS on the 12th. He told me that he would just see me when I got home from work.
The morning of the 12th when I was ready for work he was still sleeping and I kissed him goodbye and told him that I loved him as I always did and headed on to work.About 10 a.m. on that Friday I received a voicemail from him on my cell phone. I stopped everything I was doing and listened to it. Normally Shakil wouldn't contact me at work and at that time and I found it quite odd. Upon listening to that message all I heard was some noise in the background and he didn't say anything. Not a word...nothing. I was very bothered by that voicemail and proceeded to send him an email or two for some explanation. But he never responded to my emails. I even called his cell phone a few times and noticed that he turned it off. It wasn't like Shakil to turn his phone off so I wouldn't have any contact with him.
I went on with my day and when 2:30 p.m. rolled around, that is what time I leave the office on Friday's, I rushed home as quickly as I could.I opened the door and noticed that he was not there nor had he even been back there since he left. This feeling of emptiness and fear came over me. But I just tried to shake it off and not thinking anything of it. I thought maybe he had something else to do and he would call me. I laid on the sofa and fell asleep for an hour or so. I woke up startled because he still wasn't back. The time then was about 4 p.m. or so. I then made a call to my friend and told her what was going on. She told me that she was having a really bad feeling. We talked about it for awhile and then I decided that I was going to drive to Dallas, go by his apartment, etc. and see if I could find out what was going on.I arrived at my friends apartment sometime after 5:30 p.m.
We went by his apartment and he wasn't there and I think we even went by a few other places. Then we decided to drive by the Dallas INS office. I will never forget driving into the back parking lot and discovering that Shakil's car was there. It was parked in the very back of the lot and he was no where to be found. The parking lot was almost completely empty. We drove over to his car and I got out and looked inside. His backpack that he always carried was inside along with other items of his. I burst into tears when I got back into the car. I knew what had happened and I wasn't ready to face that! INS had taken him and I didn't understand why. We drove over to the INS building and my friend noticed there was a security guard standing there. She got out of the car and ran over to him to ask about this situation. I stayed in the car because at that moment I was almost hysterical. She came back to the car and told me what happened. The security guard told her that a bus had come and took many of them. I started crying again profusely. She told me that the guard told her where they usually take them to. It was an area not far from where I was living at the time. I knew that I had to go there.
So we left the INS office and drove there. As we were leaving I knew that I had to call my Mom and tell her what had happened. But I was still crying so bad that I just couldn't make the call. Now here's the part that I need to tell. I had never told my Mom that Shakil was having immigration problems. I just didn't want her to judge him thinking that he might be using me for immigration purposes. I knew he wasn't but mothers think differently because they just care so much about their child's best interest. But I knew at this point she wasn't going to have to know. My friend made the call because I was still crying profusely and could barely talk. She called her and started telling her what was going on and what had happened.
After I got my composure, I talked to my Mom and explained everything. I can say that she was very upset that I had kept it from her and she didn't understand why I never told her about his immigration issues. But after I explained more I think she understood. My friend and I made it there to the place we were told that the bus was going to. There was not a person there at all but I did see on the front door the visitation hours which were not until Monday and this was Friday. We went back to my apartment and I started thinking what I needed to do for him. I knew that I needed to get his car out of that place or it would be towed. That is what the guard had told me earlier in the evening. I didn't have a key to his car and so I called a locksmith to meet me at his car. So once again at about 11 p.m. my friend and I headed out to the INS office. The locksmith arrived shortly after we got there and was able to get the car unlocked for me. The locksmith told me that I might want to hurry because the alarm on the car was going off and he didn't want to cause a scene. I grabbed as many things of value that I could and put them all in my car.
The locksmith left and then the guard came over to me and asked me what was going on. I must say that the guard was very friendly and tried to provide as much advice to me as he could. The guard also told me that I needed to hurry because there were cameras everywhere that were filming what I was doing. But I told him I didn't care and that someone had to do this for him. I don't know what really prompted me to open up Shakil's backpack but I did. Maybe it was just curiosity. But I'm so glad I did. I opened the bag and saw a small bag from a jewelry store. I looked in the bag and saw a small box. At this point, you know I had to open it!! I opened it and found the most beautiful engagement ring! I cried because I knew it was mine and I immediately put that ring on my finger. Perfect fit!! It was meant for me.
My friend smiled and told me that Shakil was planning on proposing before he left back to Pakistan. I knew I wanted some sort of committment but surely wasn't expecting that! But I was so happy to know that he wanted to marry me because I know how much I wanted to marry him. Now I'm don't really remember how we got Shakil's car to my friends apartment. I don't know how I aquired the key. But my friends ex helped us get it to their apartment. That night my friend went home with me because she knew how upset I was and didn't want me to have to be alone and I thank her for that because I really needed someone. She and I stayed up for awhile and talked about everything and at some point around 3 a.m. fell asleep.
I had kept my phone next to my side while I was sleeping just in case Shakil was able to call me and he did probably a couple of hours after I had falled asleep. I remember hearing the phone ringing and I jumped out of bed to answer it. I answered the phone and I heard the recording stating that it was a call from an inmate at a correctional facility and I had to accept call charges or not. Then I heard his voice and I was so relieved. The phone connection was not that good and I could barely here him but managed to here where he was. He was in a detention center that was in Haskell. I can remember looking up on the internet to find out where it was. Turns out that it was a very small town that was approximately a 3 hour drive from where I lived. I immediately called the facility to find out some things and they told me the visitation hours. I called my Mom and told her that we could visit him.
I gathered some things and my friend and I headed over to my Mom's to pick her up then go see Shakil. It seemed as if that drive took forever. I was so anxious to see him and to know that he was ok. When we reached the facility it was a prison in the middle of no where! We walked up to the gates and talked to someone on the speaker and told them who I was there to see. They could not find any record of him and I told them he had just arrived there and they allowed me in.
When you first walk into this place there is a waiting area and to your left sits a officer or guard that logs in a book everyone that comes into the facility. You had to provide your drivers license and let them write all the information down and also state your relationship to the inmate. So, I told them I was his fiance. It felt so great to be able to say that. It took them awhile to find him because they didn't even show him on their roster. So after much searching they finally found him. They then called someone in the back who I assume goes to let the inmate know that they have a visitor. So I'm sure that Shakil knew it was me. We then had to walk through a metal detector and were escorted to the visiting area. This area was just a big room that had 2 restrooms and tables that were made of metal for you to sit on. This place freezing inside! We sat there and waited for him to come out and he finally did. I will never forget seeing him walk out and the look of fear on face. He was wearing what looked like blue hospital scrubs. He came and sat down and me, my mom and my friend talked to him. After some time, my Mom and friend moved to another table because I wanted time alone with him to talk. There was a point where I saw tears come down his face. It hurt me so much to see him like that. It hurt just knowing the terrible things he had gone through.
I tried to make some sense out of why he was detained and he explained to me the best he knew how. He went to the INS office to report per usual and the report date was after the voluntary departure date so he thought he would be given an extension. But they decided to detain him for not following his departure order. So basically it was a big misunderstanding and now he was stuck in the hellhole.I was able to spend about 3 hours with him every week for 1 day, nothing more. Time kept going by and I felt so extremely alone. I felt as if the most important thing in my life had been taken away from me and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do. I drove out there to see him every weekend. In almost 4 months that he was in there, I never missed a time to go see him expect for once when I got so sick and couldn't. I would have but my Mom refused to let me go.
Shakil would call me every night to talk to me. He used calling cards which ran up a nice phone bill for me because even though he was using calling cards, I was still charged fees everytime. But none of that mattered to me, I just wanted to stay in contact with him. Every night Shakil would tell me how he's doing and I'd cry and cry and hide it. I know many times he didn't even know. I just wanted him to stay strong and not let how I was feeling bring him down. Each weekend that I went to see him he'd tell me about the conditions in that place and it was just horrible.
I feel so sorry for all these aliens that are put in these type of facilities and expected to dwell there until they are freed or deported. A couple of months into his detention I started to call an immigration officer who was handling things. Shakil and I had decided that I would go see him in Pakistan when he got out of there. But I think that he and I kept hope that maybe for some reason he would be released. We even went as far to try to get married while he was in there. We thought if we went ahead with the marriage that things might change I think.
I was able to obtain a marriage license in Haskell but after that immigration officer dragging his feet, we were not able to get married while he was in detention. I even sent a letter of intent to marry him to INS. Nothing helped. They still kept him in there.Towards the end of the time he spent there. I became so very angry that they were keeping him in there so long and Shakil had told me that people were getting deported. I just didn't understand why it was taking so long for him. I called that immigration officer several times just telling him to do something. Get him out there. I also told him that I already had tickets to leave shortly after Shakil left but none of that seemed to matter. My mom even went to the INS office to talk to this officer and told him that we wanted something done. It was horrible that he was being kept in there for so long. The officer was very nice to my Mom but why woudn't he be.
The first week in January of 2004, Shakil called me one night to tell me that he was getting out. I was at dinner one night when he called me to tell me. I couldn't even finish my dinner because I was happy that his nightmare would come to an end. I had been keeping his brother in the UK informed of everything that was going on. I called him that evening and told him the details.Shakil was taken to a jail in Euless, TX. and arrived on January 8, 2004. I knew that was his final stop before leaving to go to the airport. I was able to go see him when he got there. I would have gone the night before but unfortunately they were not clear on where he was. So I had to go the next day to see him. Walking into that jail there was a waiting area. I expected it to be like the other facility where there would be tables for me to talk to him. But this was all together different. They told me to open this door and there and there was an area where I had to talk to him. It's just like you see on t.v. I had to talk to him through a telephone with glass in between us. I can remember seeing his face there. He looked horrible. My heart hurt for him. But I do give Shakil lots of credit because he always stayed positive through all of this mess. He even made me laugh at times.
I'm not sure how much time I was given to talk to him but I told him how much I loved him and we would be together. Then, my Mom went into talk to him. Shortly after my Mom started talking to him they came for him and I saw him leave as my Mom opened the door and I waved goodbye. I had called the jail later in the afternoon to find out what they were doing with him. They told me that he was gone and that is basically all they told me. It wasn't until the evening that I received a call from Shakil. He was in New York. I was so happy that all of this was coming to an end. But in the back of my mind I knew it was just the beginning of a very long journey for he and I.
Shakil made it safely back to Pakistan on January 10, 2004. I had been so worried about him. I wanted to know that he got there safely. Luckily his brother called me to tell me that he had made it there and he was ok. I had been awake the whole night before knowing he was in the air on the way back to a country that he didn't want to go. Visiting is one thing, but living is another.Shakil messaged me online and I was so happy to see that 6 letter yahoo screenname. It had been so long. We chatted and chatted. We also talked about my trip to see him that was soon arriving. I had tickets to leave for Pakistan on February 11, 2004. So we definitely had plenty to talk about. We would talk online every day. I don't think he and I missed a day without talking to each other. I just constantly told him how much I loved him and that I was there for him. I wanted him to know that I will always be by his side no matter what. February 11, 2004 soon rolled around. The day I was due to leave with my Mom I had taken off from work to make sure I had everything packed. I was to be gone February 11th through the 28th. I was so nervous about going to a foreign country. Not to mention the fact that I had never left the country before. I think that was the longest flight I have ever been on. My Mom and I finally arrived in Karachi, Pakistan at about 11 p.m. or so on February 12th. My Mom and I got off the plane and headed to go through immigration. It really wasn't that bad. But I was questioned about what the address was that I was staying at. I didn't even have the address written down. This woman was saying she needed the address and I just put something down. I could only remember like 1 word of the street name Shakil had given me. She kept saying, "what if the person is not there, etc. etc." I was like, you have no idea...he'll be there. I know he's waiting. She let me through finally.
We went to get our luggage and I couldn't find the baggage claim receipts. I think the nervousness had really set in by that point. I was arguing with this guy telling him these were our bags because they were the last one's left. Another guy came over and told this guy that was giving me a hard time that it was ok.We proceeded to walk towards the doors to exit and I noticed there were so many people standing there. I thought, "oh my god, how are we going to find Shakil" But he found us. I just wanted to drop my things and run to him. I hadn't seen him on free grounds in so long. It felt like an eternity. He came over to us and directed us where to go. He had family there with him waiting. Much more family than I was expecting. But there were so many people and I was mentally exhausted. When I walked out of the airport I was thinking, "this won't be so bad" Little did I know until we got in the car. Oh my, the traffic is just horrible and it had to have been after midnight. There is no concept of following traffic rules. Everyone just seems to drive all over the place. No sense of direction in Pakistan. No concept of yielding to other cars. The first night my Mom and I were taken to Shakil's parents house in Karachi.
When we first arrived there were many that stayed to talk for a bit. I think phyically I was exhausted. I did sleep most of the flight which was great because it just made time go by much quicker. My Mom and I were staying together in a bedroom and I can remember laying down in bed and everything just seemed so surreal. I couldn't believe I was actually in Pakistan. Shakil and I were married on February 15, 2004 in Karachi. It was at a house of his uncles. It was just so beautful. I couldn't believe that we finally got married! I was so happy and I could see how happy Shakil was as well. I was able to see lots of things while in Pakistan. I saw lots of poverty and extreme amounts of wealth. I never saw any inbetween. We were able to spend about one week in Karachi and one week in Lahore.
I found that I preferred Lahore over Karachi. Lahore seems to be a much cleaner city. I can remember visiting the Shalimar Gardens as well driving by a beautiful Mosque. There are Mosques here in the US but nothing compared to the ones I saw in Pakistan. I also had the opportunity of meeting Shakil's grandparents while in Lahore as well as other family members. I spent a total of 2 weeks in Pakistan and that is just not enough time to get to know a family.
I thank his family for showing my Mom and I around both Karachi and Lahore. I left Pakistan on February 28th. Looking back on the day I left, I was packing and I remember standing up and walking over to Shakil and just going into tears. He hugged me and it was just so wonderful to have been able to experience Pakistan, meet some of his family and most of all spend time with him. But I was so sad that I was going to have to leave him. I didn't want to. If I had my way, I would have stayed with him. I had so much to get started with immigration here in the US as well as other obligations and concerns.
Shakil and his parents escorted us to the airport. Just sitting there with him in the car with his hand in mine I knew that that was going to be the last time I felt his touch for a long time. The last time I would see him smile, the last time I would be able to smell his scent and many other things. There were several times in the car where it was all I could do to keep my composure. I just wanted cry so hard. It was hurting me so bad inside to leave my husband there and knowing that he can't come back with me.All of our luggage was taken from the car. I said my goodbyes to his parents and his mom's sister whom was also in the car with us. Shakil walked us over to where we were supposed to go. We said our goodbye and I told him I loved him and he told me as well. I walked away and looked back until I could no longer see him. He was gone. I felt so empty inside. I cried on my way to the counter to check in. My Mom told me, "this isn't forever, you will see him again soon".
Sitting on the runway waiting for the plane to take off, I stared outside the window and remembered. I just remembered his touch, his way of making me feel that everything is going to be ok. I just wanted to get off that plane and run to him.I arrived back at the DFW airport after a very long journey back to the US. My Mom's friends were there to pick us up and I had so many stories to tell. I still look back and have stories to tell. Not many people get to experience going to a third world country. I feel very blessed that I was given the opportunity. Not just to see my husband, but to see an entirely different world.When I got back to the US there was an email from Shakil waiting for me. Just making sure that I was ok. I was able to talk to him online when I got home for awhile. I was very tired upon my return. Here it is September 11, 2004 and we have maybe missed 5 days out of the almost 7 months we have been apart. He meets me online like clockwork every evening. He communicates fully with me always letting me know what's going on. He even makes his way online in the mornings before I go to work when he can.We filed our K-3 petition and received our first notice of action on April 30, 2004. We're going on 5 months since we recieved that notice. Shakil anticipates that it will be another 2 months. I always hope for sooner. I always hope that one day when I open my mail that we hear something. According to our attorney we should have a decision on the I-212 very soon. I hope so because I need some peace of mind and I know my husband does more than anyone.Life is just not the same without my husband. He is the most precious thing in my life. He gives me hope and he is a part of my dreams.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of our wonderful times that we have had together. He means the world to me. I love him with all my heart and every bit of my being. He keeps me going, he's my strength by side. I always feel his presence. I feel as if he's with me not in body but in spirit. I carry him with everyday. He's in my heart and my soul. You should never take anything granted. Things or someone can be taken from you so quickly. Live each day as if it was your last and always tell your loved one....I love you.
posted by Tara at 6:10 PM
1 Comments:
sis.. i am always finding myself reading your story.. esp when i need to shed some tears... >hugs< cant waittil he comes back to the states to join ya'll!
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