1 week gone by

Well, one week has gone by since I've seen Shakil. I know for a fact that the one week sure feels like a heck of a lot longer. I'm sort of at a loss as to what I want to do here. Everyday staying here and not going right back has been a challenge. I keep telling myself to give it a chance here and I'll adjust back - but do I really want to adjust is the question. How can I adjust here when I just want to go back and be with Shakil in Pak? I find that I'm sleeping a lot these days and I don't know if I'm still jetlagged - but I really shouldn't still be. I think I'm just emotionally drained to be honest with you. I just feel so alone without Shakil. He and I were able to really reconnect during those 5 months together.

I've told my Mom and a close friend of mine that it really doesn't feel like 'home' to me here. I never thought I'd end up saying that Pakistan feels more like home. I was telling my Mom that Shakil and I were just doing our best to make a home for ourselves there and quite honestly I just feel like I'm on vacation. I don't foresee me staying here longer than a couple of months. Right now I'm planning to stay through my best friend's wedding which is August 26th and then go back to Lahore. Shakil is ready for me at anytime. Sometimes I think I'm crazy for wanting to go back so soon. Yes, I was missing my family - especially my Mom but I know after a visit here I'll be ready to go back. I cannot bare being apart from Shakil longer than a couple of months.

I don't regret leaving Lahore at all. My Mom asked me that just yesterday. It was time for me to come back. I was having some emotional problems over there but I think anyone would. The changes you go through there are dramatic in some ways. Living in a 3rd world country is not easy and I never imagined that it would be. I went from working 40+ hours a week in the medical field to a stay-at-home wife. So that was an ajustment in itself. I can remember waking up there in Lahore thinking - geez, what am I going to do with myself today?

Shakil has been working some pretty long hours with his semi-new job. We haven't been able to chat online very much. I'm hoping we can catch up since he's off for the next 2 days. Talking to him online just isn't easy at all. I'm so used to just talking to him in person about anything. We'd have some of the nicest chats when we were laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Of course going to bed alone now and not waking up to him is an adjustment too. I'm his wife and he's my husband - we are supposed to be together and I refuse to let immigration keep us apart. I have the ability to come and go from this country and his so I have to make some sacrifices for us. I know he'd do the same. God, I miss him. :-(

Until later...

Bye for now.