Looking back...
I really can't believe that it's been 2 1/2 years since Shakil and I started this journey together - well, yes I can but all in all it went by quicker this last year than that first year.
I'll never forget the day when I kissed Shakil goodbye like I always did before heading to work and never even knowing that would be the last time I'd see him that way for quite a long time. I head to work just like any other day and perform my many duties and around 10 a.m. in the morning I get that call on my mobile phone from Shakil. "He's never called before while I'm working" is what I thought and I picked it up immediately. I hear some muffled sounds of people talking but I don't hear anything from Shakil. I send him a few emails, afterall, he was supposed to be going to the INS office that morning. Maybe just calling me to tell me how it went? No, he wouldn't do that while I'm work. He'd wait until I got home to tell me all about it.
The afternoon rolled on by and it seemed like forever for my day to finish. I just couldn't wait to get out of that office and get a hold of Shakil. I'm not "supposed" to make personal calls at work but don't think that didn't stop me that day. I must have called his mobile a hundred times - no response. The most overwhelming feeling of emptiness came across me. I just didn't know what was going on and I've got that big lump in my tummy and feeling like I need to puke. I was so upset and worried why he wasn't answering his mobile - he always answers it, is what I thought.
I rush home thinking I'll find him tinkering with the computer or him sitting on the sofa watching t.v. - nothing...and no evidence that he had even returned back to my apartment. You can't even begin to imagine how I felt. Now remember, if you had followed my journey from the beginning you'd know that Shakil had filed for voluntary departure and it had been granted but he was past his departure date because the INS office had given him a report date PAST the voluntary departure date. So you might understand how nervous and scared I was considering he really was supposed leave prior to that voluntary departure date but didn't because he had been given that report date past it. If that makes any sense...
Shakil and I had the most amazing connection and we really had that connection since the day we went. We were set up and I never thought I'd fall for him. But we just really clicked from day one. We spent as much time as we could together because we knew that our time together would be short lived due to his immigration issue.
When I found out that Shakil had been detained by INS, I just felt my whole life crash in an instant. He was a part of me and it felt as if he had been kidnapped from me. It was a horrible, horrible feeling and I hope and pray that none of you ever have to go through something like this in your lifetime.
Shakil was taken to a maximum security prison - yes, prison - about a 3 hr drive from where I live. I'd leave after work on Friday's and drive out there, spend the night and be ready early Saturday morning for visitation. We were allowed 2 hours together while he was detained. Yes, 2 hours once a week. This went on for over 3 months. Rain or shine, I'd drive out there. I only missed one weekend because I got sick with flu/pneumonia at the same time.
The day Shakil gave me a call and told me that he was getting out - it was like music to my ears. I'll never forget where I was, what I was doing...it's just something that sticks in your mind forever because we thought the day would never come. Immigration just kept dragging their feet and telling us there were no seats available to Pakistan for him. And finally the day came and he was out of that hellhole. That's what I call it because that is what it was. He didn't deserve to be in there and a lot of those immigration detainees don't deserve it either. Now, detainees that have their green card and have abused it, committed murder, robbery, etc. Yes, I feel they deserve to be in there because I have no sympathy for people like that.
I always knew while Shakil was being detained that I'd follow right behind him when he was sent back to Pakistan. I had my mind made up. There was never any question. We knew we wanted to get married, we knew wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and we knew we wanted to start family one day and live happily ever after. Isn't that what we all want one day? Just to be happy and enjoy life as much as we can with the one we love. I felt Shakil and I deserved it. We had gone this far together, gone through so much shit and damnit we were going to do it! We weren't going to let immigration stop us. I used to tell Shakil, "Well, you may not be able to stay here in the U.S. but they can't stop me from going to you in Pakistan". And that is what I did.
We got married in Pakistan in February of 2004. I was able to spend 2 short weeks because I did have a job to get back to in the U.S. at that time. When I went back to the U.S., I was just heartbroken. I felt so alone, lost and really didn't know where to turn. Thank God I had a roommate at that time who was such a big help to emotionally because I just couldn't bare the thought of living alone and not getting to see Shakil.
We spent 10 LONG months apart. We'd talk every single day - maybe only missing 2 or 3 days out of those 10 months. It finally became more than I could handle and I decided that I wanted to go back to Pakistan and be with Shakil. Again, I wasn't going to let immigration keep us apart.
In January of 2005, I headed back to Pakistan. It was so wonderful to be back with him again and really get to experience "married life" together. Remember, we got married in February of 2004 and only got to spend 2 weeks together before I had to head back to the U.S. So we had not even began to experience the married life together.
Culture shock was big...really big...and I had a very hard time. You may ask, "What was it that was so hard for you Tara?" And I'll discuss more in my next post.
Until then...
I'll never forget the day when I kissed Shakil goodbye like I always did before heading to work and never even knowing that would be the last time I'd see him that way for quite a long time. I head to work just like any other day and perform my many duties and around 10 a.m. in the morning I get that call on my mobile phone from Shakil. "He's never called before while I'm working" is what I thought and I picked it up immediately. I hear some muffled sounds of people talking but I don't hear anything from Shakil. I send him a few emails, afterall, he was supposed to be going to the INS office that morning. Maybe just calling me to tell me how it went? No, he wouldn't do that while I'm work. He'd wait until I got home to tell me all about it.
The afternoon rolled on by and it seemed like forever for my day to finish. I just couldn't wait to get out of that office and get a hold of Shakil. I'm not "supposed" to make personal calls at work but don't think that didn't stop me that day. I must have called his mobile a hundred times - no response. The most overwhelming feeling of emptiness came across me. I just didn't know what was going on and I've got that big lump in my tummy and feeling like I need to puke. I was so upset and worried why he wasn't answering his mobile - he always answers it, is what I thought.
I rush home thinking I'll find him tinkering with the computer or him sitting on the sofa watching t.v. - nothing...and no evidence that he had even returned back to my apartment. You can't even begin to imagine how I felt. Now remember, if you had followed my journey from the beginning you'd know that Shakil had filed for voluntary departure and it had been granted but he was past his departure date because the INS office had given him a report date PAST the voluntary departure date. So you might understand how nervous and scared I was considering he really was supposed leave prior to that voluntary departure date but didn't because he had been given that report date past it. If that makes any sense...
Shakil and I had the most amazing connection and we really had that connection since the day we went. We were set up and I never thought I'd fall for him. But we just really clicked from day one. We spent as much time as we could together because we knew that our time together would be short lived due to his immigration issue.
When I found out that Shakil had been detained by INS, I just felt my whole life crash in an instant. He was a part of me and it felt as if he had been kidnapped from me. It was a horrible, horrible feeling and I hope and pray that none of you ever have to go through something like this in your lifetime.
Shakil was taken to a maximum security prison - yes, prison - about a 3 hr drive from where I live. I'd leave after work on Friday's and drive out there, spend the night and be ready early Saturday morning for visitation. We were allowed 2 hours together while he was detained. Yes, 2 hours once a week. This went on for over 3 months. Rain or shine, I'd drive out there. I only missed one weekend because I got sick with flu/pneumonia at the same time.
The day Shakil gave me a call and told me that he was getting out - it was like music to my ears. I'll never forget where I was, what I was doing...it's just something that sticks in your mind forever because we thought the day would never come. Immigration just kept dragging their feet and telling us there were no seats available to Pakistan for him. And finally the day came and he was out of that hellhole. That's what I call it because that is what it was. He didn't deserve to be in there and a lot of those immigration detainees don't deserve it either. Now, detainees that have their green card and have abused it, committed murder, robbery, etc. Yes, I feel they deserve to be in there because I have no sympathy for people like that.
I always knew while Shakil was being detained that I'd follow right behind him when he was sent back to Pakistan. I had my mind made up. There was never any question. We knew we wanted to get married, we knew wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and we knew we wanted to start family one day and live happily ever after. Isn't that what we all want one day? Just to be happy and enjoy life as much as we can with the one we love. I felt Shakil and I deserved it. We had gone this far together, gone through so much shit and damnit we were going to do it! We weren't going to let immigration stop us. I used to tell Shakil, "Well, you may not be able to stay here in the U.S. but they can't stop me from going to you in Pakistan". And that is what I did.
We got married in Pakistan in February of 2004. I was able to spend 2 short weeks because I did have a job to get back to in the U.S. at that time. When I went back to the U.S., I was just heartbroken. I felt so alone, lost and really didn't know where to turn. Thank God I had a roommate at that time who was such a big help to emotionally because I just couldn't bare the thought of living alone and not getting to see Shakil.
We spent 10 LONG months apart. We'd talk every single day - maybe only missing 2 or 3 days out of those 10 months. It finally became more than I could handle and I decided that I wanted to go back to Pakistan and be with Shakil. Again, I wasn't going to let immigration keep us apart.
In January of 2005, I headed back to Pakistan. It was so wonderful to be back with him again and really get to experience "married life" together. Remember, we got married in February of 2004 and only got to spend 2 weeks together before I had to head back to the U.S. So we had not even began to experience the married life together.
Culture shock was big...really big...and I had a very hard time. You may ask, "What was it that was so hard for you Tara?" And I'll discuss more in my next post.
Until then...
posted by Tara at 11:08 PM
1 Comments:
I always love reading this... Gets me all emotional, as I am sure you too!
Post a Comment
<< Home