Just needing to vent...
As I sit here at the computer reading e-mails that Shakil has sent over the past few days, I just start to cry. I went back to my bed and laid down and of course did some more crying. I don't know if it's just the emotions that go along with pregnancy that make this worse but damn, I miss him so much!! I need him so much right now and I can't even have him here with me and there is no sign of when. Last week I emailed the Embassy a nice long email about the situation and informed them that I am in fact pregnant now. You'd THINK I'd get some sort of response - but no. Nothing, nothing at all. I will email them again. I hate to be ignored.
It's all I can do to keep myself here in the U.S. Everyday I just want to run back to Shakil. He's my husband and we are supposed to be together during this time and anytime for that matter. Do I regret leaving Pakistan? Yes, more than you could possibly imagine. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. I need his comfort, reassurance and support now more than ever. He gives me all of that via internet chat or phone but I need his touch and the hugs that he would give me and he would tell me that everything is going to be ok.
I honestly don't know what to do. I know some of you are thinking "go back to Pakistan". I just wish it was that easy for me. My Mom and I are so very close and she has basically forbidden me to go back. I know it's out of concern and love for me but I'm 29 years old and this is my husband and unborn child we are talking about. Don't I have the right to go and be with him if I choose to? I know she's worried about how it would be like for me to deliver in Pak. I'm very unsure about that myself. I don't know a U.S. citizen who has delivered over there. So if any of you who are reading this do know of someone who has gone through prenatal care and delivery in Pakistan - could you please put me in contact with them. I would love some insight on all of it.
Shakil assures me that I would have the best care in Pakistan and I believe him. I'm just nervous and I don't know what the right thing for me to do is. I can't imagine spending the rest of this pregnancy (which I have 7 more mos to go God willing) without him and the possibility of him not being here for the delivery just kills me.
Until later...
Bye for now.
It's all I can do to keep myself here in the U.S. Everyday I just want to run back to Shakil. He's my husband and we are supposed to be together during this time and anytime for that matter. Do I regret leaving Pakistan? Yes, more than you could possibly imagine. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true. I need his comfort, reassurance and support now more than ever. He gives me all of that via internet chat or phone but I need his touch and the hugs that he would give me and he would tell me that everything is going to be ok.
I honestly don't know what to do. I know some of you are thinking "go back to Pakistan". I just wish it was that easy for me. My Mom and I are so very close and she has basically forbidden me to go back. I know it's out of concern and love for me but I'm 29 years old and this is my husband and unborn child we are talking about. Don't I have the right to go and be with him if I choose to? I know she's worried about how it would be like for me to deliver in Pak. I'm very unsure about that myself. I don't know a U.S. citizen who has delivered over there. So if any of you who are reading this do know of someone who has gone through prenatal care and delivery in Pakistan - could you please put me in contact with them. I would love some insight on all of it.
Shakil assures me that I would have the best care in Pakistan and I believe him. I'm just nervous and I don't know what the right thing for me to do is. I can't imagine spending the rest of this pregnancy (which I have 7 more mos to go God willing) without him and the possibility of him not being here for the delivery just kills me.
Until later...
Bye for now.
posted by Tara at 2:30 PM
3 Comments:
aww Tara.. I feel so bad for what you're going through! Yes of course you have the right to go back. I know exactly what you mean by just needing your dh. I'm really feeling for you.. everything will be alright! Don't worry. It always works itself out.. doesn't it?
Personally speaking, i'd go back if the healthcare is fine...lots of babies are born there ya know. It all depends on who you want there when the baby comes into the world. I know you want both but that's the big decision. As much as i love my mother i'd want my hubby there since the child is his and i feel he'd be missing out too much not being there. It's only something you can decide though...
Hi, Tara. Take it from me who's been through all the INS crap. It's much easier to get your husband's citizenship when your child is an American citizen too. Why don't you think of traveling back there for a few months though. You can travel easily until the 7th month. I've heard pregnant women get all the pampering in the world there. However, do take the heat into consideration. I traveled there the first time 6 months pregnant and threw up constantly from the heat. Maybe you should wait until after August. Go back for a little while and then come back and deliver here. I'm not so sure about the health care there. I know the hospitals are not as clean (ie flies and not as sterile with patients and stuff) but I believe the doctors are generally as good. However, for citizen sake, I would highly recommend having your baby in the US.
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