12-31-04 Been up all night...

I can't believe I'm still awake. It's almost 5 a.m. and I haven't been asleep yet. I just have so many things running through my mind of what I have to get done. Not much time left! :-D But hey, that's a good thing. I think the fact that I slept yesterday afternoon from 12 p.m. to 5 p.m. has A LOT to do with it. ;-) I'm already on Paki time and I'm not even there yet. :P Oh well, I did get the opportunity to talk to hubby for some time and I always love that time. He's such a sweetheart and I'm so lucky to have a man like that in my life. You know it's true, sometimes you have to go through the crap to find the good ones and he's definitely a good one!

I guess I better try and get some sleep as my Mom is wanting me to go back over to her house and help arrange all the stuff I've been bringing to store at her house. I'm amazed that I've got it all moved over there, just furniture left! :-)

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-31-04 15 more days to go!!!

Had an interesting thing happen this evening. Someone decided to post a comment to me and a very hateful one I might add. I have so many ill feelings toward someone who would make such comments about someone that they don't even know NOR do they know my husband. If you happen to be reading this and you claim to be Muslim....I think you should know that you will not be forgiven for the things you have said to me until I FORGIVE YOU. You may also want to read this:
O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. Enough said.

It's New Year's Eve, the last day of the year then off to 2005! I really hope that 2005 will be better for hubby and I than 2004. We have gotten so far but still have so far to go. I keep mentioning all the patience that I think I have gained during this time. But overall I think I have gained an a lot of patience. God knows I need it!! :-)

I took the last load of things to my Mom's!! But then realized that I forgot to tell the movers that I have 2 tv's that I need moved too, my tv/my hubbies tv. I'll have to give them a call in the morning to add that to the list. It just slipped my mind.

I can't believe 15 more days to go!! I'm so very excited about seeing hubby after soooo long! I can't wait to see that incredible smile of his and give him a great big hug when we are alone. :-)

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-29-04 17 more days to go!!!

Got an email today from the U.S. Embassy in Islamabad. I had emailed them several days back to see if I would be able to accompany Shakil to the interview and they told me that I can go. So I'm very happy that I will be able to be there with him to support him. I know it's going to be very awkward for him. I'm sure he has so much on his mind these days. I can tell sometimes when chatting with him online.

I spent the entire day at home today. I was posting on and off to the yahoo group that I'm on. Those group of gals have been so incredibly supportive and it's nice to have such a great support system like that. God knows I need it!! I am still not feeling up to par yet after having that root canal. The antibiotics are just not setting well with me. I did cut back on the dosage in hopes to feel better. We shall see.

Wooooooooohooooooo 17 more days to go until I leave to be with my hubby!! I'm just ready to get through with this week so I can get moved to my Mom's. It'll be here before I know it!!

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-28-04 18 more days to go!!!

Well, I survived the root canal today but the dentist put me on 1500mg of antibiotics and I've felt a bit nauseated and dizzy most of the day. I really think it's related to the antibiotics.

I got my move scheduled today and I move out of my place on January 5th. I really think that reality will hit me when I get completey moved to my Mom's. :-) Everything just seems like a dream to me right now. I've just been waiting and waiting for so long to finally be with my husband. I used to have dreams where I'd wake up reaching for my hubby and find no one there. I've just had this incredible empty feeling inside of me, like a part of me is missing and that part is him.

Looking back it really doesn't seem like it's been over 10 months since I've seen him but at the time of waiting, it seemed like forrrrrrrrrever! I really don't know how I did it. Things got really hard on me at times but I think my job kept my mind occupied. I stayed so busy at work. I'll admit that I have enjoyed not having to work but I'm starting to get a bit bored...well not a bit...REALLY bored!! I'm sure it would be different if I had a little one to be running around after! ;-) I look forward to that day!

So in 18 days I'll be getting on a plane to see my hubby. I miss him so much!!! I miss everything about him. *sigh* I can't wait!!!!!!!

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-27-04 19 more days to go!!!

Well, today was one hell of a day. I had chipped off a tooth last Wednesday and had to go see the dentist today. I thought a filling would do the job. Ohhhh noooo of course not, the dentist did an x-ray and said that it needs a root canal. *sigh* So tomorrow I go in for the root canal. NOT looking forward to that. I just get the WORST headache after having the root canal done. My Mom offered a bit of advice saying to take some Motrin or something before the procedure and that should help. So....I will give that a try. What have I got to lose, right?

Anywayssss....I was so completely bored this evening. I have nothing left to pack and 1 more load to take to my Mom's. I've rearranged the fridge 1 too many times along with cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, etc. 1 too many times!! My roomie is starting to think that I'm nuts!! lol I just get bored and when I get bored I guess cleaning helps me out. My Mom told me this evening she has plenty for me to do at her house when I get in that mood. :-) If my headache is not bad after the root canal tomorrow then I'll probably venture over to her house and do some arranging of things that I've taken over there. I'm starting to wonder where the heck I'm going to sleep when I finally move there. I'm completely occupying one bedroom with all my stuff and my bed will be completely taken apart in that room to make all my stuff fit. Then she has another bedroom that she has been storing stuff. Hmmmm...where am I going to sleep????

I can't believe only 19 more days until I leave to see my sweetheart. I just miss him so incredibly much and it only increases everyday!!! I dream everynight about what it's going to be like when I walk out of the airport in Lahore and see him waiting for me. That just gives me butterflies in my tummy. I still get those butterflies when I think about him. There is not one day that I don't think about what wonderful memories we have and soon those memories are going to become reality again!! :^)

Until later....

Bye for now.

12-26-04 20 more days to go!!!

Well another day down!!! Yesterday was Christmas and I went to my Mom's house. My brother and his friend were there, my other brother and his wife/two kids and my grandmother were all there. The food was fantastic. My Mom did really well. We didn't have the traditional turkey and all the fixins. She made other items that were soooo good. She also made a homemade pecan pie, sweet potato pie and other fabulous desserts. We did our gift exchange and we had drawn names on Thanksgiving. My bro's friend Marco had my name and he got me this beautiful martini glass set. My bro Kerry had Shakil's name and got him a really neat power screwdriver. :-) We all had a nice time but it just wasn't the same without my sweetheart.

Today I slept so much. I woke up early but was back to sleep by 12 p.m. and slept until after 4 p.m. I just don't think I'm sleeping sound at night. I have so much excitement! I did do some more cleaning around my apt and put everything else that needs to go to my Mom's in one spot. I think one more trip and I'll be finished moving it all over to her house. :-)

Well I'm online talking to hubby and he can't seem to find my blog. I'll catch up more later!!

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-24-04 22 more days to go!!!

Well today was not a very productive day. I had the intentions of taking some stuff to my Mom's but the landing of my stairs was still pure ice. So needless to say, I didn't take anything. Tonight I went with my Mom to a little Christmas gathering. It was relatives from her side of the family. It was nice to see one's that I hadn't seen in awhile. It was especially nice to hear my Mom say such nice things about Shakil. :-) I guess we stayed for about an hour and a half and then went home. Doing things without Shakil just isn't the same. It's like I really don't have a good time. I just miss having him around. But....there's always next year! Funny thing is we were saying that last year. I feel that he will be around for the next holiday season.

There was really nothing else happening today. I've been watching, "The Newlyweds Nick/Jessica" marathon on MTV. I must be bored!!!! lol

I'm feeling a bit tired and tomorrow is Christmas. I'm supposed to go over to my Mom's for our normal family get together. I just wish Shakil was accompanying me. :-(

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-23-04 23 more days to go!!!

Whewwwwwwwww I just finished up getting everything out of my storage that is on my apt balcony. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's still so darn cold outside. I think it is in the 20's right now. Very odd for Texas!! Maybe that's the sign of a very cold winter. So anyway, I got everything out of there and started sorting through it all inside where it's warm. :-) I'm amazed at the things I've found. I guess I should I have gone through that stuff a long time ago. :P I got it all sorted through and as soon as I take all this stuff to my Mom's all that is left is furniture. We are having movers come at the end of the month to get that taken care of.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. This is the second Christmas without Shakil. Last year he was in detention at this time. I have to admit this year I feel better because I know he's safe and out of that hellhole! But it sure does strike up memories.

I woke up this morning bright and early when Shakil messaged to my cellphone at 6:30 a.m. and managed to stay up until 10 a.m. I went back to bed and slept until 3 p.m.!!!!! Geez!! As I've said, my sleep pattern is sooo screwed up. I just can't sleep well at night because of all the things running through my mind. I think at this point it is just excitement. Last night I said a prayer to help Shakil and I get through this interview that he has coming up and hoping that everything goes ok. I'm so incredibly nervous about it. We are at their mercy. *sigh*

My roommate Kristi has left for the holiday weekend and I'm here alone. Sometimes I get pretty lonely as I've gotten used to having my roomie here with me. I did some vacuuming and some other cleaning. That seems to be all I have been doing lately is cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!! It clears my mind!!! :-)

Well, Will and Grace is on and I think I'll curl up with Shakil's blankie and watch. 23 more days to go!!!!!!! Oh man I'm EXCITED!!! :-D

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-22-04 24 more days to go!!

Today has been one heck of a day. I woke up this morning and looked outside and it was snowing! Snow in Texas?? That is such so rare. There is snow all over the ground still. Then one of my yorkies had diarrhea and I was having to take him outside about every couple of hours so he could relieve himself. Next thing, I managed to break off one of my teeth. Luckily it's not visible but I can feel it and it is becoming a bit bothersome. So I'm thinking, what else??? **sigh**

I have had a problem the past few weeks with my sleeping. I'm awake every night until at least 3 a.m. I just have so many things running through my mind. It's like I don't even know where to start. I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed. But I am very excited about seeing Shakil after so long. I can't wait to see him standing there waiting for me. I'm really going on very little sleep these days and somehow I just keep on going. I'm afraid that I'm going to just drop one day! The past 2 days I've done more packing around my apt and managed to clean out my closet that is in the hallway outside my bedroom. I had been dreading that one. All I have left to do at my apt is get out the stuff from the outside storage on my balcony. I think I'm doing pretty good with 24 more days to go!! :-)

I think I'm going to try and lay down and relax for awhile and hopefully I'll just fall asleep. Shakil has been waking me up by text messaging to my cell at about 6:30-7 a.m. everyday.

Until later...

Bye for now.

Our immigration timeline

I thought I'd post our immigration timeline.

I-130 1st Notice of Action was April 22, 2004
I-129F 1st Notice of Action was April 30, 2004
I-129F 2nd Notice of Action was Nov 17, 2004 (Approved petition for visa!!)
Feb 25, 2005 Shakil's visa interview date in Islamabad, PK
Jan 6, 2005 I was told by our paralegal that we would need to file the I-601 at the embassy on the day of the interview. 3-6 months wait for that one. *sigh*

Lots of waiting, waiting but at least we are making some progress. :-)

12-21-04 25 more days to go!!!

Well another day has come to an end. One less day to go until I'm with Shakil. I really think I'm starting to get sad about leaving my Mom. My Mom and I have become even more close after the death of my father in May of 2001. She and I are just like sisters. There is nothing that I can't tell my Mom. She is just such a wonderful person inside and out. I'm so proud of her for the strength that she has had ever since my dad past away. She has been through so much and she is truly the wind beneath my wings. :-)

I have been making it a priority to spend as much time with her as possible because I know that I will be leaving so soon. I'm going to miss her like crazy. But I know that this stay in Pakistan is not going to be forever. Shakil and I have been saying for quite some time now that this is only temporary. There is just so much uncertainty right now with our immigration issue. Thank God for him finally getting an interview date on February 25th!! I'm going to be just a ball of nerves on that day.

I picked up my last check (for one day) from my boss. She brought it home with her and I went to pick it up at her house. I could see the tears in her eyes when she was saying bye to me. She just gave me a big hug and told me to be safe and, "BRING YOUR HUSBAND HOME!!" Shakil and I's love for each other, family, friends and my faith will get us through this. I'm so thankful that we have gotten this far. I had posted in the yahoo group that I'm on telling just some of what I'm thankful for. Most of all I'm thankful for the amount of patience God has given me during this time of forced separation due to immigration. We will get through this!!! I just know it in my heart. Shakil and I were meant to be together from the start and we can do this!!! I just can't wait to be by his side supporting him. He's my life.

Well, I think I rambled enough for the evening. I pretty much just type without even thinking about it and that's how I want this blog to be. Nothing planned, just words that come to my mind.

Until later...

Bye for now.

12-21-04 Trying to set up a time for me to sit down and post

I read a post from a friend on the yahoo group I belong to. She mentioned blogging before I leave to go to Pakistan, during and afterwards. I know I will have internet access, I'm just not sure how much I will actually have. I had created this blog with the intention to post while IN Pakistan. I will just have to set aside a certain time to do so. I think the evenings before bed will do just fine for me. Plus it will also give me the chance to vent before going to sleep. I will make it a priority to post all my pre-leaving feelings. "pre-leaving" is that word?? I think that this will be something that I will really treasure in the future. I'm glad I made the decision to do so.

My previous post was a bit long. But I just wanted to tell Shakil and I's story and where we have gone since then and where I'm going now!! :-)

My sleep has been so deprived the past few weeks. I went to bed at 3 a.m. last night and woke up at 6 a.m. I think the overwhelming feelings I have are just about to take me over the top. So needless to say, I'd like to take a bit of a nap.

I will be posting our visa timeline and thoughts and feelings of our now 10 month separation.

Bye for now!!

This is our story!

I wrote this story on September 11, 2004.

This is dedicated to my husband Shakil, who is the bravest person I know.I met Shakil in April of 2003. I had just filed for divorce in January of 2003 to someone that I was married to for 2 years. So it's safe to say that I was a bit skeptical about starting another relationship so soon. I had a friend that had told me about Shakil but I just managed to listen to her about him but never really thought about meeting him. But one day I told her that I wanted to meet him.

I met Shakil the first week in April of 2003. It was a stormy night and I told my friend to give him a call. Her now ex happened to be with him at the time. So she made the call. She asked Shakil if he wanted to meet and apparently he said he did. Next thing you know I'm on the phone with him. He wanted me to come over. I felt as if I really had nothing to say to him at the time. But he sounded great on the phone. Shakil is originally from Pakistan so I was expecting some accent but was pleasantly surprised when hearing there was not really one at all.

The storm had pretty much cleared and she and I decided to head over to meet him. I can still remember to this day walking up the stairs to his apartment. I was so incredibly nervous. She reached the top of the stairs before I did and knocked on the door. I sort of stood to the side and peaked around as he opened up the door. I guess you can say that I was wanting to "check him out". I definitely felt a sense of attraction for him. He looked great. We went inside and the four of us chatted. I didn't do much talking at all considering I was so nervous. I just listened to his responses on things and just smiled. After some time my friend and her ex left Shakil and I in the room together alone. I think there was quite a bit of silence before one of us decided to speak. I think I remember Shakil sparking up the conversation. He just asked me random questions and I answered them the best that I could. After some time I got my friend to rejoin us. After some time my friend and I decided to leave. If I'm not mistaken Shakil gave me his yahoo id.

So the next day I'm almost certain I messaged him or he did me, not sure which. We started having some online conversations and I think that helped our uncertainty of each other. We talked about everything. Some time went by and my friend thought that the 4 of us should go out for dinner. Shakil arrived with some flowers for me!! 2 points on that one! They were beautiful. We all went to a Pakistani restaurant here in the Dallas area which was very good. When we finished dinner, once again I was left alone with him. My friend and her ex went out to the car and left us alone!! Once again there was some silence but I feel that it wasn't as much as the meeting before. Shakil ask me a variety of questions and I answered them all. When the restaurant was about to close we decided to leave. We all headed over to my apartment and what do you know...we were left alone again. This time I was ready for it. I wanted that alone time in the comfort of my own space, my apartment. Shakil and I started talking and he proceeded to bring his immigration matters to my attention. He stated that he was having some immigration problems and he was working trying to stay here. I can remember thinking, "so what, this isn't going to go anywhere with us anyway". I appreciated his honesty though. Not many people would have brought something that serious to my attention. I just listened as he explained everything to me and nodded my head. My friend and her ex came back and the evening had come to an end. They all left together to go back to Dallas.

At the time I was living in the Arlington area. I can remember walking out with him and he turned to hug me. It just felt wonderful! Days went by and Shakil and I chatted again online and began talking on the phone before I went to bed in the evenings. The next event was Shakil had asked me out to see a movie with him. He and I went to see the movie "Chicago". Now the movie was alright but a bit different to what I'm normally used to seeing. I can remember sitting there next to him and wondering when he was going to at least hold my hand or something. I kept thinking maybe he just "wasn't feeling it" or something. But towards the end of the movie he reached for my hand. It just gives me butterflies in my stomach when I think about it now. But at the time I kept thinking, "it's about time!" He had waited until the movie was almost completely over. The movie finished and we headed out to our cars. He and I had met there so we were in 2 cars. He asked me if I wanted to come with him and go over to his place for awhile and I agreed. We got in his car and he had reached to the backseat of his car and gave me a beautiful plant that had miniature roses. He also had a wonderful smelling candle for my birthday. I still have that candle to this day, (September 11, 2004) I love candles!!

We proceeded to go over to his place. Once we got there I did feel a bit awkward being this was our first time COMPLETELY alone together. I can remember just sitting there and not knowing what to say to him. Then after some time, "the magic" happened. I knew that I was going to fall for him. Time kept flying by and Shakil started coming over to my apartment on the weekends and staying the whole weekend with me. I work Monday through Friday and I always looked forward to Saturdays when he would come see me after he got off work. I spent Friday night out with my friend. I'd always take a sidetrip by his apartment to see him before I went to see her.

I felt as if I was having to balance a relationship with my friend and him at the same time. Saturday would come and he'd stay with me until Sunday night. But the more he and I became fond of each other the more time he spent with me. I can remember telling him that I wanted to see him more and he started coming on Thursday nights and staying until Sunday night. Which I must say that I loved! The more and more time he and I spent together I started to fall in love with him and I knew he felt the same and that was an incredible feeling. He and I just had so many things in common and I knew we were a perfect match for each other. We'd talk about what we wanted in the future and we wanted the same things. I knew I wanted to marry him but never really told him directly. I'm sure he could sense that is what I wanted. I had been fighting my feelings for him since the beginning and I just didn't want to get hurt again by some guy! But Shakil wasn't just any guy, he had captured my heart from the beginning and I decided to let my guard down and just let it flow.

Into our relationship Shakil started to fight his immigration process. I'm sure he was already trying to fight it or was just preparing himself to leave a country that he had made a life for himself in. And he had every right to just prepare to leave because he didn't have anyone keeping him here before our relationship. But I'm sure after being here in the US for over 10 years he would love to make this country his home. He had appealed his decision by the INS but unfortunately he was ordered to leave the country.

He was granted voluntary departure and was due to leave by August 20, 2004. So Shakil and I just decided to make the most of our relationship and spend as much time with each other that we could. At the time I knew that I was just going to be so sad to see him leave. I just didn't understand why he had to be taken away from me. But government seemed to take control of the situation and was definitely controlling our situation. I had told Shakil that if he expected me to wait for him that I was expected some sort of committment. I was never expecting what was in store for me. Shakil would report to INS every month. They would then give him another report date the following month. Now Shakil had been given that voluntary departure and was due to leave at the end of August but was given a report date to INS at the end of September.

My divorce finally became final on September 10, 2003!! I was so happy that I now did not have my ex lingering in the background. I could now totally focus on Shakil. He and I spent the night of the 11th with each other and little did I know that would be the last time I would see him like that for some time. The 12th of September was a Friday and I have to go into work on Fridays a bit earlier. I remember that morning so clearly. The night before Shakil had told me that he was going to go ahead and report to INS on the 12th. He told me that he would just see me when I got home from work.

The morning of the 12th when I was ready for work he was still sleeping and I kissed him goodbye and told him that I loved him as I always did and headed on to work.About 10 a.m. on that Friday I received a voicemail from him on my cell phone. I stopped everything I was doing and listened to it. Normally Shakil wouldn't contact me at work and at that time and I found it quite odd. Upon listening to that message all I heard was some noise in the background and he didn't say anything. Not a word...nothing. I was very bothered by that voicemail and proceeded to send him an email or two for some explanation. But he never responded to my emails. I even called his cell phone a few times and noticed that he turned it off. It wasn't like Shakil to turn his phone off so I wouldn't have any contact with him.

I went on with my day and when 2:30 p.m. rolled around, that is what time I leave the office on Friday's, I rushed home as quickly as I could.I opened the door and noticed that he was not there nor had he even been back there since he left. This feeling of emptiness and fear came over me. But I just tried to shake it off and not thinking anything of it. I thought maybe he had something else to do and he would call me. I laid on the sofa and fell asleep for an hour or so. I woke up startled because he still wasn't back. The time then was about 4 p.m. or so. I then made a call to my friend and told her what was going on. She told me that she was having a really bad feeling. We talked about it for awhile and then I decided that I was going to drive to Dallas, go by his apartment, etc. and see if I could find out what was going on.I arrived at my friends apartment sometime after 5:30 p.m.

We went by his apartment and he wasn't there and I think we even went by a few other places. Then we decided to drive by the Dallas INS office. I will never forget driving into the back parking lot and discovering that Shakil's car was there. It was parked in the very back of the lot and he was no where to be found. The parking lot was almost completely empty. We drove over to his car and I got out and looked inside. His backpack that he always carried was inside along with other items of his. I burst into tears when I got back into the car. I knew what had happened and I wasn't ready to face that! INS had taken him and I didn't understand why. We drove over to the INS building and my friend noticed there was a security guard standing there. She got out of the car and ran over to him to ask about this situation. I stayed in the car because at that moment I was almost hysterical. She came back to the car and told me what happened. The security guard told her that a bus had come and took many of them. I started crying again profusely. She told me that the guard told her where they usually take them to. It was an area not far from where I was living at the time. I knew that I had to go there.

So we left the INS office and drove there. As we were leaving I knew that I had to call my Mom and tell her what had happened. But I was still crying so bad that I just couldn't make the call. Now here's the part that I need to tell. I had never told my Mom that Shakil was having immigration problems. I just didn't want her to judge him thinking that he might be using me for immigration purposes. I knew he wasn't but mothers think differently because they just care so much about their child's best interest. But I knew at this point she wasn't going to have to know. My friend made the call because I was still crying profusely and could barely talk. She called her and started telling her what was going on and what had happened.

After I got my composure, I talked to my Mom and explained everything. I can say that she was very upset that I had kept it from her and she didn't understand why I never told her about his immigration issues. But after I explained more I think she understood. My friend and I made it there to the place we were told that the bus was going to. There was not a person there at all but I did see on the front door the visitation hours which were not until Monday and this was Friday. We went back to my apartment and I started thinking what I needed to do for him. I knew that I needed to get his car out of that place or it would be towed. That is what the guard had told me earlier in the evening. I didn't have a key to his car and so I called a locksmith to meet me at his car. So once again at about 11 p.m. my friend and I headed out to the INS office. The locksmith arrived shortly after we got there and was able to get the car unlocked for me. The locksmith told me that I might want to hurry because the alarm on the car was going off and he didn't want to cause a scene. I grabbed as many things of value that I could and put them all in my car.

The locksmith left and then the guard came over to me and asked me what was going on. I must say that the guard was very friendly and tried to provide as much advice to me as he could. The guard also told me that I needed to hurry because there were cameras everywhere that were filming what I was doing. But I told him I didn't care and that someone had to do this for him. I don't know what really prompted me to open up Shakil's backpack but I did. Maybe it was just curiosity. But I'm so glad I did. I opened the bag and saw a small bag from a jewelry store. I looked in the bag and saw a small box. At this point, you know I had to open it!! I opened it and found the most beautiful engagement ring! I cried because I knew it was mine and I immediately put that ring on my finger. Perfect fit!! It was meant for me.

My friend smiled and told me that Shakil was planning on proposing before he left back to Pakistan. I knew I wanted some sort of committment but surely wasn't expecting that! But I was so happy to know that he wanted to marry me because I know how much I wanted to marry him. Now I'm don't really remember how we got Shakil's car to my friends apartment. I don't know how I aquired the key. But my friends ex helped us get it to their apartment. That night my friend went home with me because she knew how upset I was and didn't want me to have to be alone and I thank her for that because I really needed someone. She and I stayed up for awhile and talked about everything and at some point around 3 a.m. fell asleep.

I had kept my phone next to my side while I was sleeping just in case Shakil was able to call me and he did probably a couple of hours after I had falled asleep. I remember hearing the phone ringing and I jumped out of bed to answer it. I answered the phone and I heard the recording stating that it was a call from an inmate at a correctional facility and I had to accept call charges or not. Then I heard his voice and I was so relieved. The phone connection was not that good and I could barely here him but managed to here where he was. He was in a detention center that was in Haskell. I can remember looking up on the internet to find out where it was. Turns out that it was a very small town that was approximately a 3 hour drive from where I lived. I immediately called the facility to find out some things and they told me the visitation hours. I called my Mom and told her that we could visit him.

I gathered some things and my friend and I headed over to my Mom's to pick her up then go see Shakil. It seemed as if that drive took forever. I was so anxious to see him and to know that he was ok. When we reached the facility it was a prison in the middle of no where! We walked up to the gates and talked to someone on the speaker and told them who I was there to see. They could not find any record of him and I told them he had just arrived there and they allowed me in.

When you first walk into this place there is a waiting area and to your left sits a officer or guard that logs in a book everyone that comes into the facility. You had to provide your drivers license and let them write all the information down and also state your relationship to the inmate. So, I told them I was his fiance. It felt so great to be able to say that. It took them awhile to find him because they didn't even show him on their roster. So after much searching they finally found him. They then called someone in the back who I assume goes to let the inmate know that they have a visitor. So I'm sure that Shakil knew it was me. We then had to walk through a metal detector and were escorted to the visiting area. This area was just a big room that had 2 restrooms and tables that were made of metal for you to sit on. This place freezing inside! We sat there and waited for him to come out and he finally did. I will never forget seeing him walk out and the look of fear on face. He was wearing what looked like blue hospital scrubs. He came and sat down and me, my mom and my friend talked to him. After some time, my Mom and friend moved to another table because I wanted time alone with him to talk. There was a point where I saw tears come down his face. It hurt me so much to see him like that. It hurt just knowing the terrible things he had gone through.

I tried to make some sense out of why he was detained and he explained to me the best he knew how. He went to the INS office to report per usual and the report date was after the voluntary departure date so he thought he would be given an extension. But they decided to detain him for not following his departure order. So basically it was a big misunderstanding and now he was stuck in the hellhole.I was able to spend about 3 hours with him every week for 1 day, nothing more. Time kept going by and I felt so extremely alone. I felt as if the most important thing in my life had been taken away from me and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do. I drove out there to see him every weekend. In almost 4 months that he was in there, I never missed a time to go see him expect for once when I got so sick and couldn't. I would have but my Mom refused to let me go.

Shakil would call me every night to talk to me. He used calling cards which ran up a nice phone bill for me because even though he was using calling cards, I was still charged fees everytime. But none of that mattered to me, I just wanted to stay in contact with him. Every night Shakil would tell me how he's doing and I'd cry and cry and hide it. I know many times he didn't even know. I just wanted him to stay strong and not let how I was feeling bring him down. Each weekend that I went to see him he'd tell me about the conditions in that place and it was just horrible.

I feel so sorry for all these aliens that are put in these type of facilities and expected to dwell there until they are freed or deported. A couple of months into his detention I started to call an immigration officer who was handling things. Shakil and I had decided that I would go see him in Pakistan when he got out of there. But I think that he and I kept hope that maybe for some reason he would be released. We even went as far to try to get married while he was in there. We thought if we went ahead with the marriage that things might change I think.

I was able to obtain a marriage license in Haskell but after that immigration officer dragging his feet, we were not able to get married while he was in detention. I even sent a letter of intent to marry him to INS. Nothing helped. They still kept him in there.Towards the end of the time he spent there. I became so very angry that they were keeping him in there so long and Shakil had told me that people were getting deported. I just didn't understand why it was taking so long for him. I called that immigration officer several times just telling him to do something. Get him out there. I also told him that I already had tickets to leave shortly after Shakil left but none of that seemed to matter. My mom even went to the INS office to talk to this officer and told him that we wanted something done. It was horrible that he was being kept in there for so long. The officer was very nice to my Mom but why woudn't he be.

The first week in January of 2004, Shakil called me one night to tell me that he was getting out. I was at dinner one night when he called me to tell me. I couldn't even finish my dinner because I was happy that his nightmare would come to an end. I had been keeping his brother in the UK informed of everything that was going on. I called him that evening and told him the details.Shakil was taken to a jail in Euless, TX. and arrived on January 8, 2004. I knew that was his final stop before leaving to go to the airport. I was able to go see him when he got there. I would have gone the night before but unfortunately they were not clear on where he was. So I had to go the next day to see him. Walking into that jail there was a waiting area. I expected it to be like the other facility where there would be tables for me to talk to him. But this was all together different. They told me to open this door and there and there was an area where I had to talk to him. It's just like you see on t.v. I had to talk to him through a telephone with glass in between us. I can remember seeing his face there. He looked horrible. My heart hurt for him. But I do give Shakil lots of credit because he always stayed positive through all of this mess. He even made me laugh at times.

I'm not sure how much time I was given to talk to him but I told him how much I loved him and we would be together. Then, my Mom went into talk to him. Shortly after my Mom started talking to him they came for him and I saw him leave as my Mom opened the door and I waved goodbye. I had called the jail later in the afternoon to find out what they were doing with him. They told me that he was gone and that is basically all they told me. It wasn't until the evening that I received a call from Shakil. He was in New York. I was so happy that all of this was coming to an end. But in the back of my mind I knew it was just the beginning of a very long journey for he and I.

Shakil made it safely back to Pakistan on January 10, 2004. I had been so worried about him. I wanted to know that he got there safely. Luckily his brother called me to tell me that he had made it there and he was ok. I had been awake the whole night before knowing he was in the air on the way back to a country that he didn't want to go. Visiting is one thing, but living is another.Shakil messaged me online and I was so happy to see that 6 letter yahoo screenname. It had been so long. We chatted and chatted. We also talked about my trip to see him that was soon arriving. I had tickets to leave for Pakistan on February 11, 2004. So we definitely had plenty to talk about. We would talk online every day. I don't think he and I missed a day without talking to each other. I just constantly told him how much I loved him and that I was there for him. I wanted him to know that I will always be by his side no matter what. February 11, 2004 soon rolled around. The day I was due to leave with my Mom I had taken off from work to make sure I had everything packed. I was to be gone February 11th through the 28th. I was so nervous about going to a foreign country. Not to mention the fact that I had never left the country before. I think that was the longest flight I have ever been on. My Mom and I finally arrived in Karachi, Pakistan at about 11 p.m. or so on February 12th. My Mom and I got off the plane and headed to go through immigration. It really wasn't that bad. But I was questioned about what the address was that I was staying at. I didn't even have the address written down. This woman was saying she needed the address and I just put something down. I could only remember like 1 word of the street name Shakil had given me. She kept saying, "what if the person is not there, etc. etc." I was like, you have no idea...he'll be there. I know he's waiting. She let me through finally.

We went to get our luggage and I couldn't find the baggage claim receipts. I think the nervousness had really set in by that point. I was arguing with this guy telling him these were our bags because they were the last one's left. Another guy came over and told this guy that was giving me a hard time that it was ok.We proceeded to walk towards the doors to exit and I noticed there were so many people standing there. I thought, "oh my god, how are we going to find Shakil" But he found us. I just wanted to drop my things and run to him. I hadn't seen him on free grounds in so long. It felt like an eternity. He came over to us and directed us where to go. He had family there with him waiting. Much more family than I was expecting. But there were so many people and I was mentally exhausted. When I walked out of the airport I was thinking, "this won't be so bad" Little did I know until we got in the car. Oh my, the traffic is just horrible and it had to have been after midnight. There is no concept of following traffic rules. Everyone just seems to drive all over the place. No sense of direction in Pakistan. No concept of yielding to other cars. The first night my Mom and I were taken to Shakil's parents house in Karachi.

When we first arrived there were many that stayed to talk for a bit. I think phyically I was exhausted. I did sleep most of the flight which was great because it just made time go by much quicker. My Mom and I were staying together in a bedroom and I can remember laying down in bed and everything just seemed so surreal. I couldn't believe I was actually in Pakistan. Shakil and I were married on February 15, 2004 in Karachi. It was at a house of his uncles. It was just so beautful. I couldn't believe that we finally got married! I was so happy and I could see how happy Shakil was as well. I was able to see lots of things while in Pakistan. I saw lots of poverty and extreme amounts of wealth. I never saw any inbetween. We were able to spend about one week in Karachi and one week in Lahore.

I found that I preferred Lahore over Karachi. Lahore seems to be a much cleaner city. I can remember visiting the Shalimar Gardens as well driving by a beautiful Mosque. There are Mosques here in the US but nothing compared to the ones I saw in Pakistan. I also had the opportunity of meeting Shakil's grandparents while in Lahore as well as other family members. I spent a total of 2 weeks in Pakistan and that is just not enough time to get to know a family.

I thank his family for showing my Mom and I around both Karachi and Lahore. I left Pakistan on February 28th. Looking back on the day I left, I was packing and I remember standing up and walking over to Shakil and just going into tears. He hugged me and it was just so wonderful to have been able to experience Pakistan, meet some of his family and most of all spend time with him. But I was so sad that I was going to have to leave him. I didn't want to. If I had my way, I would have stayed with him. I had so much to get started with immigration here in the US as well as other obligations and concerns.

Shakil and his parents escorted us to the airport. Just sitting there with him in the car with his hand in mine I knew that that was going to be the last time I felt his touch for a long time. The last time I would see him smile, the last time I would be able to smell his scent and many other things. There were several times in the car where it was all I could do to keep my composure. I just wanted cry so hard. It was hurting me so bad inside to leave my husband there and knowing that he can't come back with me.All of our luggage was taken from the car. I said my goodbyes to his parents and his mom's sister whom was also in the car with us. Shakil walked us over to where we were supposed to go. We said our goodbye and I told him I loved him and he told me as well. I walked away and looked back until I could no longer see him. He was gone. I felt so empty inside. I cried on my way to the counter to check in. My Mom told me, "this isn't forever, you will see him again soon".

Sitting on the runway waiting for the plane to take off, I stared outside the window and remembered. I just remembered his touch, his way of making me feel that everything is going to be ok. I just wanted to get off that plane and run to him.I arrived back at the DFW airport after a very long journey back to the US. My Mom's friends were there to pick us up and I had so many stories to tell. I still look back and have stories to tell. Not many people get to experience going to a third world country. I feel very blessed that I was given the opportunity. Not just to see my husband, but to see an entirely different world.When I got back to the US there was an email from Shakil waiting for me. Just making sure that I was ok. I was able to talk to him online when I got home for awhile. I was very tired upon my return. Here it is September 11, 2004 and we have maybe missed 5 days out of the almost 7 months we have been apart. He meets me online like clockwork every evening. He communicates fully with me always letting me know what's going on. He even makes his way online in the mornings before I go to work when he can.We filed our K-3 petition and received our first notice of action on April 30, 2004. We're going on 5 months since we recieved that notice. Shakil anticipates that it will be another 2 months. I always hope for sooner. I always hope that one day when I open my mail that we hear something. According to our attorney we should have a decision on the I-212 very soon. I hope so because I need some peace of mind and I know my husband does more than anyone.Life is just not the same without my husband. He is the most precious thing in my life. He gives me hope and he is a part of my dreams.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of our wonderful times that we have had together. He means the world to me. I love him with all my heart and every bit of my being. He keeps me going, he's my strength by side. I always feel his presence. I feel as if he's with me not in body but in spirit. I carry him with everyday. He's in my heart and my soul. You should never take anything granted. Things or someone can be taken from you so quickly. Live each day as if it was your last and always tell your loved one....I love you.